at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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