It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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