That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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