If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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