this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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