Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
