It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
