I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
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