Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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