I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
