Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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