is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
