Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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