I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize