You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
should my penis look like a turkey
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
