I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
