so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
