So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
