you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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