wrigley field is MILF paradise
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
