well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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