We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i came on her dog
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I lost the right to judge tonight
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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