but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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