I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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