So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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