my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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