separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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