worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
