Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
