Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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