Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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