This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just want nice things and good sex
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
