she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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