yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
