if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
