You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
