God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
