she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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