Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
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