last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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