I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
