I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
