Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize