remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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