he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
