I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
