Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
