You were right. It hurts to walk today.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
