We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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