after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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