you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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