Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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