is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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