I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
