Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
