mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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