I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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