Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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