i was rollin on her like bob the builder
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
