Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Randomize
