wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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