I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
