Everything about him screamed your future.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Your penis caused this!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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