i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
