i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
